Monday, May 2, 2011

The WTF fruit


This, my friends, is a Kiwano Horned Melon

Seriously. What the hell?

DO NOT, by any means, buy this if you are planning to eat it.

Let this be a warning to anyone who is suckered in by the pretty yellowy-orange swirls and it's badass spikes: I don't think it's for eating. 

But I gave it ago anyway..
So it started when some of my father heard that a few of his friends were visiting from China. As a great host, he went on the hunt around Auckland in search of foods they'd have never experienced -naturally occuring paua, yummy salmon, kiwifruit and.. Kiwano. He was certain that they had never tasted this spikey fruit before. Because he, himself, hadn't. In fact, no one in our family had ever tasted it before or even knew how to go about eating it!

Ingredients for Kiwano Sorbet: Kiwano, 2 frozen bananas, 1 cup chopped pineapple
Wikipedia tells me that the Kiwano, or Horned Melon, is supposed to taste like a banana with the texture of cucumber -and I'm here to tell you that it's total lies. While it does have the texture of cucumber (the slimy centre) it, in no way, taste of banana. Unfortunately, I can't actually tell you what it tastes like. It's about 90% slime. Green slime. Like boogers.

Juicing the Kiwano

So basically we ended up with 3 of these really pretty, albeit gross fruits that no one ate and they sat in the fruit bowl for days while I contemplated how I was going to save them from the bin.

When the sieve stops being effective, use muslin cloth and SQUEEZE
After quite an extensive search, I concluded that no real Kiwano recipe exists and that it probably means that you shouldn't eat them unless you hate yourselves a little bit. But, if you have already been tricked by it's outside appearance, here's something you can do with it: Sorbet!

Bear in mind that the Kiwano is not, by any means, the main part of this recipe -it is just a means of using up the Kiwano you've got sitting up there. But seriously, don't buy it.

Kiwano, Banana and Pineapple Sorbet 



2 bananas, frozen solid
1 cup fresh pineapple chunks, frozen
Juice of one kiwano (1/3 cup of any fruit juice would also work)
Honey or other liquid sweetenerto taste


1. Put the frozen fruit in a food processor and allow it to thaw for about 10 minutes. 
2. Mix the honey with the kiwano juice. 
3. Start up the food processor and pulse to chop the fruit thoroughly. 
4. Add the juice-agave mixture and process until smooth and creamy. 
5. Serve immediately in the shells of the kiwano or in small bowls.


  1. I have always wondered what these things taste like. Thanks for the tip! I will stay well away :)

  2. LOL I love how this is filed under "WTF". I can't say that I've tried one of these and after this post I'm not eager to! ;)

  3. Naughty kids should be warn they will get WTF fruit if they don't behave.

  4. oh dear! I consider myself warned!

  5. Great way of salvaging the freaky fruits from the bin. I think Dragon Fruit is a bit of a waste too, the red ones look absolutely gorgeous but just don't taste like much at all- what a let down!

  6. kiwanos are a funky fruit for sure. I made a mousse with it once. but it is pretty hard to work with.

  7. LOL This is just hilarious. I felt kind of the same way the first and only time I tried a dragon fruit. I mean, they look so mesmerizing, how can you not want to try one, right? But they're tasteless! Well, at least the one I had was. A true disappointment. It's like the bimbo of fruit -- all looks and no substance. ;)

  8. Haha, this was totally my reaction when I tried a kiwano, but I could never have put it into words so eloquently. Really love your blog and your writing - pity you aren't posting much anymore.